


Sour Pussy

by 100percentsunshine



Series: Kaylor One Shots [9]
Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: F/F, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2019-07-06 09:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15883557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100percentsunshine/pseuds/100percentsunshine
Summary: In which Karlie is a lemon farmer and Taylor's parents just can't seem to accept that.





	Sour Pussy

"Come one, Taylor. Get your lazy ass out of bed and go buy us some groceries," Andrea nagged. Taylor groaned obnoxiously. She'd been working all day on her family's Christmas tree farm and just wanted some peace and quiet.

"Taylor!" her mother screeched.

"Ugh fine, I'll go." Taylor made a big show of how annoyed she was to have been given such a task. She tended to be a whiny drama queen, and was usually very extra, and not in a good way.

She sulked her way through the town store, picking up the necesites on her mother's list (along with 3 tubs of ice cream, 4 bags of chips, and lots of chocolate--she was pmsing). Taylor was making her way to the register when she literally bumped into someone. All of the items in the carts went flying everywhere, and food splattered the isles.

But Taylor couldn't be bothered by any of this when she laid eyes on the woman she, er, landed on top of. She had the most beautiful green eyes and could probably pass for a supermodel. (Taylor had a thing for skinny, white girls that looked like models. Oh, and green eyes.)

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going!" the woman apologized.

Taylor was still speechless. Finally, she managed to speak. "No, I should be the one apologizing. My idiot mother made me come and get groceries and I was being a brat about it and noticing my surroundings wasn't a priority."

The woman the her head back laughing. "We're in the same predicament, then." Taylor looked confused. "I'm Karlie. My parents own the lemon farm down the street."

"Oh! I'm Taylor. My parents own that Christmas tree farm on the corner of Pepe St. and Dat Boi Rd."

Taylor tried to bring her hand up to shake Karlie's, but it was sandwiched in between the two of them. Instead, she ended up jamming in between Karlie's legs. They next thing they knew, raw emotion took over and they has a rather intense dry humping session on the floor of the grocery store.

*~*~*~*  
Taylor's parents were fuming when they picked her up from the police station. "whAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU'VE RUINED OUR REPUTATION! WE DON'T assocIATE WITH THE LEMON FARMING FOLK!"

It was a Romeo and Juliet tale at its finest. Karlie and Taylor snuck around for the next few years behind their parents backs. They were occasionally discovered by their siblings (you would go check out the weird moans coming from the barn, too), but they were never ratted out. They had lots of bribery material.

Disaster struck when Taylor's parents decided that they could not stand the disgrace of a spinster daughter, and found her a fiance (a Christmas tree farmer). He was awful, he had dentures at his ripe age of 32, and smelled like shit. Karlie called him Calcium, and they had lots of angry sex thinking about Taylor's unfair situation.

*~*~*~*  
Finally, the dreaded day arrived. Taylor was forced into an awful, frilly dress that made her look like a pastry. She pinched herself throughout the day in order to not fall asleep from boredom. She shook hands with all of Calcium's relatives. She still couldn't remember any of their names.

"...speak now or forever hold your peace." Taylor somehow remembered randomly tuning in during these words, which proved to be a splendid idea. A primal animal screech made its way through the church, and Karlie ran up to the altar.

"Yo, actually this girl is mine," she said. Taylor was overcome with emotion. Her girl had a way with words.

"I'M OUT OF HERE, BITCHES!" she shrieked, as she was picked up. The two hooligans ran out of the church and resided on Karlie's lemon farm. They went on a lemon cleanse diet for the week of their honeymoon.

After about a year, they got married and started popping out babies, who all went into the lemon farming business. Last they heard, Calcium was now into the DJ business, aka he didn't work.

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
